Excessive Neediness that Destroys Relationships

Everyone is born with an inherent need to be noticed and valued for who they are. We long to be encouraged and nurtured into our fullest potential with encouragement and affirmation. When we are noticed and validated in healthy ways, our hearts are filled and our journey becomes empowered.

There is just one problem. Most people don’t have a lot of those empowering experiences. Going all the way back to childhood, those deep needs were never met, so we were left empty. To make matters worse, our hearts were crushed with negative experiences, where deep wounds took residence.

Excessive Neediness in Relationships

What began as legitimate needs are now inflamed with excessive needs that are out of control. Legitimate needs then become excessive.

As a result, rejection drives us to find connection and attention in unhealthy ways. We plunge ourselves into dysfunctional relationships, with the hopes that someone will notice us. Our actions become more focused on meeting our unmet needs than on healthy connection. In fact, excessive neediness keeps us from knowing what healthy connection even looks like.

We can become so driven to meet our needs that we lose awareness to how we are coming across.

This is how rejection keeps us bound—by locking us to our neediness so that we are never restored. It keeps us from letting God truly heal those places. So, we demand continual attention and help from others, while draining everyone of energy. Once their resources are exhausted, they throw their hands up, not knowing how to help us anymore. Meanwhile, rejection whispers in your ear, “See, those people don’t love you.” And we continue to remain stuck in our relationships.

The biggest place of breakthrough can be found in allowing God to heal those areas of our heart and realigning our expectations in relationships.

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