How you respond to the struggles of life or recover from difficult challenges has a lot to do with how well you are able to experience nurture. And how you practice nurture has a lot to do with the relationship you had with your mother.
So what comes to the surface of your heart when you consider your relationship with mom?
For most people this question can be tricky and feel like a betrayal against her to even ask yourself. So, this can make identifying mother wounds very challenging. Addressing mother issues for some can feel dishonoring or disrespectful, especially because most mother’s carried an excessive spiritual and emotional burden in the home.
But mother wounds are present for a large percentage of people, nonetheless.
Questions to Identify Mother Wounds
Here are a few questions for consideration when it comes to understanding mother wounds you may carry:
- Was your mother a safe source of nurture in your life, teaching you how to process pain and recover from emotional challenges?
- Did she love you when you needed it?
- Was she emotionally available to you?
- Did she comfort you in times of struggle?
- Was your mother able to take responsibility for her mistakes and how it impacted you?
- Were you able to have healing conversations with your mom, to talk through areas of hurt and find a place of emotional resolution?
- Did your mom equip you in daily routines of self-care?
- Did your mother tell you that she loved you?
- Did she communicate to you that she was proud of you, that you were her dearly loved child? Did she display outward signs of affection?
- Did you feel special in your mother’s sight?
- What is your understanding of nurture?
- Are you able to live in nurture and affection?
- Where do you struggle with being able to receive nurture for yourself?
As you recall memories of your relationship with your mother:
- Was she harsh and very difficult to please?
- Did she give you silent treatment for punishment?
- Was she confusing to interact with?
- Was she abusive, verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually?
- Were you performance driven, to gain your mother’s approval?
Did Your Mother Equip You?
- Furthermore, did your mother equip you with a capacity for nurture and emotional health?
- Were you able to move into adulthood with an ability to regulate your emotions and engage relationships in an effective way?
The Need for Nurture
The power of a healthy mother relationship will impart a well-rounded reference for nurture, which is how we develop emotional and relational health. Nurture welcomes people into safe and comforting relationships, which is what a healthy mother provides.
Nurture is also developed in how you receive affection growing up. Your relationship with your mother will greatly impact how you are able to give and receive affection. Through hugs, kisses and comforting words, those affectionate experiences build a healthy familiarity with the power of God’s nurturing love.
God is our Heavenly Father, but he also intended for His nurture to be seen through the lives of healthy mothers. You learn nurture from both your dad and mom, but the mother provides nurture in a way that is all her own. With nurture properly established, both men and women can grow up with emotional stability and a healthy ability to love themselves.
Identifying the Mother Wound
The mother wound is one that takes time to understand. Most do not see it at first. But a growing percentage of people carry unaddressed mom wounds, simply because their mother could not or would not nurture them in the way they needed.
Perhaps mom left. Or maybe she was physically present, but emotionally absent and detached. It’s possible she was preoccupied with being angry at your father. Many moms never received affection from their own mothers, so her empty heart left her to become an emotionally cold mother.
Symptoms of Mother Wounds
Mother wounds that are unaddressed can lead to a variety of struggles and battles in life, including the following:
- the inability to deal with stress
- a lack of coping mechanisms
- a hard time recovering through times of sorrow
- lacking a reference for what comforting love looks like
- a lack of sound balance in our emotions
- inability to comfort yourself
- addictive urges
- obsessiveness
- “needy” tendencies
- anxiety and mood issues
- relationship confusion
- deep guilt battles
- Deep anger and rage issues
- self-hate and patterns of being hard on yourself
- control issues
The good news is that God can and will heal the wounds regarding your relationship with your mom. He sent the Holy Spirit to comfort us and empower us.
It’s ok to recognize the mother wounds you carry, without being dishonoring or disrespectful. Today may be a great day for God to begin healing the mothers wounds of your heart and heal your references for what nurture can be.
What are the mother wounds you are becoming more acquainted with that have impacted your life?
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