In over 20 years of helping people, pornography addiction has been the hidden habit that has plagued so many. They live in a secret prison of shame while they struggle to overcome. No one is exempt to facing this issue, not matter their status, position or way they cover up. The common thread I noticed with people who battled is they attempt every tactic available to get free, often with little long term success. Most will get free for a couple weeks. Maybe a guy gets caught by his wife, so out of fear he doesn’t engage porn; until weeks later, they fall into it again. The reason is, they are never getting to the root of the issue.
I myself had little success in overcoming the temptations or helping others get free effectively . . . until I got to the root of this addiction. Once I got to the root system, that monster got slayed from my life. I am grateful that I was able to enter into marriage without that dragon interfering with my life.
What’s the Root of Pornography Addiction?
It is very important to know that all sexual addictions, including pornography are rooted in an excessive need to be loved that begins with a root of rejection. Rejection is a mindset that enters when we have not been loved and affirmed in our identity. This breeds and unmet void that can only be filled with the love of God. Rejection turns your eyes to a counterfeit fix–porn. Yet this habit never fulfills the longing of a person’s heart.
This rejection root arises out of a person’s lack of feeling loved, accepted and valued. Rejection thrives off of people who struggle with identity and have little love and value for themselves. This rejection usually comes into a person’s life through lack of a father’s love being established in the heart. When love has not been formed properly in someone’s life, rejection trains a person to look some kind of fix or rush to fill the void.
Removing the Fuel that Keeps the Desire Alive
Rejection messes with your desires, making you a slave to lust. When the rejection root is recognized and cleansed more and more out of a person’s life, the desire for pornography or sexual fantasy will lose its hold. Becoming delivered from sexual sin issues is not about chaining yourself down, but by actually filling your heart with what one really longs for—love, acceptance and identity. Rejection has taught people that pornography or sleeping around will fill something within; in reality it is never truly satisfying.
Uprooting rejection will begin to take away the continual drive that comes to get a person searching for that rush. When the love of God comes to satisfy a person’s heart, they experience the relief that the sanctifying power of God provides in our life. It’s not about just running from the lust, it’s about facing it and allowing love to replace it.
I have witnessed men try to add web filters or take all their pornography and throw it in the dumpster, only later to find the person uninstalling the filter and the other guy hanging over the dumpster getting his magazines back. When the addiction urge engages, the person will do anything it takes to find that sexual fix.
This is why people end up spiraling down into all kinds of perversions. It all began with unchecked desires that were never replaced with the love and acceptance of God. We cannot defeat this stronghold with pure will and self-help. We must fight lust with what rejection has stolen—a revelation of the love of God in the form of acceptance, validation and approval.
When rejection is removed and God’s love comes in, desire begins to slowly change. A longing for the purity of God becomes established in a person’s heart. Instead of just spending your life running from pornography, God can come and shift the desires in your heart, so that you no longer long for it. This is what deliverance from rejection does, it allows you to love yourself and take your peace in the love of God. When I help people with sexual addiction, I don’t even address lust in the beginning. We are going to face their rejection issues. Cut the root system and the desire for porn will slowly lose its hold.
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