As I dive into important precepts for the healing of trauma, allow me to share with you the more important aspect of our healing journey–our connection to love. In this broadcast, I will share with you about the power of healing with TULA—Total Unconditional Loving Acceptance!

I dive into revealing why true healing begins not with fixing ourselves, but with embracing ourselves in love, right where we are. You will discover:

What TULA means and why it’s essential for mental, emotional, and relationship health
How trauma disrupts our ability to receive and give love—and how to restore that connection
The destructive cycle of self-judgment and how to break free with compassion and grace
Practical exercises to help you extend love and kindness to yourself, just as you would to a loved one

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The Healing Power of TULA: Why Total Unconditional Loving Acceptance Is Your First Step to Trauma Recovery

Healing doesn’t begin with fixing—it begins with love.

If you’ve been struggling with trauma, you probably found yourself being pulled into: “Try this therapy technique,” “Read this book,” “Do these exercises.” While these resources can be valuable, there’s something crucial we often skip right over in our rush to “get better”—something that could actually transform your entire healing journey.

It’s what I call T.U.L.A.: Total Unconditional Loving Acceptance.

The Problem with the “Fix Me” Mentality

When trauma hits, our natural response is to want it gone—fast. We want to get away from discomfort and dive into relief and comfort as quickly as we can. We become desperate for solutions, techniques, and quick fixes. But here’s what I’ve discovered after years of helping people through their healing journeys: when we jump straight to “fixing,” we’re actually bypassing the very foundation that makes real healing possible–the divine power of God’s love for you, right in your pain.

Think about it. When you’re triggered, when the flashbacks come, when anxiety overwhelms you, what’s your first instinct? We often turn on ourselves.

This is what Job did. After 7 days of silence and grief, the first thing that comes out of his mouth is an assualt against himself, where he loathed the day he was born. This is what trauma can do to our system.

So we become our own worst enemy, judging our reactions, feeling ashamed of our struggles, and demanding that we “get over it” already.

This self-attack actually deepens the wound.

What Trauma Does to Our Capacity for Love

Trauma doesn’t just hurt us—it ruptures our connection to love. It makes us uncomfortable with the very thing we need most: unconditional acceptance. We become afraid that embracing ourselves means we’re being “soft” or enabling dysfunction. We worry we’ll become self-absorbed or compromise our values.

But the opposite is true. When we relate to ourselves with the same hostility we feel inside, we create a “Plexiglas wall” that bounces away the very love we’re asking God to pour into our lives.

The Biblical Foundation of TULA

As Christians, we sometimes get nervous about the word “acceptance.” But consider this: God’s love for you isn’t based on your lovability, your performance, or your current emotional state. Scripture tells us that “mercy triumphs over judgment” (James 2:13). Even when you’re in the middle of a trigger, when fear and confusion take over, God’s love is still there.

This isn’t about lowering standards or ignoring sin. It’s about recognizing that healing happens in the atmosphere of love, not condemnation.

How TULA Transforms Your Healing Journey

When you embrace total unconditional loving acceptance, several powerful things happen:

You become a compassionate witness to your own pain. Instead of being a hostile terrorist to yourself, you learn to notice what you’re feeling with kindness rather than harsh judgment.

You create space for emotions to move through you. Emotions are meant to be processed, not just eliminated. Under the umbrella of compassion, you give yourself permission to feel the messy, difficult emotions that need to work their way through your system.

You align with how God sees you. You begin relating to yourself the way God relates to you—with patience, kindness, and mercy that’s new every morning.

A Simple Way to Practice TULA

Here’s an exercise I use with people all the time:

Think of someone you love easily—maybe your spouse, a close friend, or one of your children. Now imagine they came to you with everything you’re currently struggling with. How would you respond?

You’d probably offer proximity (“I’m here with you”), kindness (“I want to help”), and patience (“Take all the time you need”). You certainly wouldn’t lecture them or demand they hurry up and get better.

Now turn that same warm spotlight of love toward yourself.

This is how God looks at you. This is the atmosphere where real healing begins.

The Truth About When Healing Begins

Here’s what I want you to understand: healing doesn’t begin when you finally get your act together. It begins when you finally connect to God’s love and start applying that love toward yourself.

I’m not saying healing ends there. Healing actually just gets started. But when we keep avoiding love, we keep our hearts from actually stepping into healing. Because healing requires love to be present.

Healing is a journey with layers and messiness and time. But the gears of healing start moving when you stop fighting yourself and start embracing yourself with the same love God has for you.

Your Next Step

If you’ve been exhausted from fighting yourself, if you’ve been demanding that you “get over” your trauma faster, I invite you to try something different. Instead of asking “How do I fix this?” start asking “How can I embrace love right now, right where I am at?”

Remember: you can’t help someone you’re constantly judging, and you can’t be an advocate for your own healing if you’re in condemnation mode toward yourself.

The greatest is love—and that includes love for the person you see in the mirror, complete with struggles, triggers, and all.

Empowering You to Live Healed and Free