The Most Overlooked Trauma Healing Experience: Tears, Grieving and Lamenting – Part 1

Looking to experience greater healing from trauma and emotional pain that you have experienced? I want to share with you one of the simplest, very important, but also highly overlooked healing experience. It’s something you may have overlooked. It may even be something that you look down upon, but it is an aspect of healing that we can’t overlook. We need it for times where we need deeper processing of our emotions. It involves the power of tears, grieving and lamenting.

When was the last time you truly allowed yourself to cry? Not the quick wipe-away-and-move-on kind of tears, but the deep, soul-stirring kind that seem to come from somewhere beyond words? If you’re like many, the answer might be “I can’t remember” or “I try not to let myself go there.” We live in a culture that sees tears as weakness, grieving as self-indulgence, and emotional expression as something to be avoided rather than embraced.

Many are uncomfortable with tears and grieving. Most people do not even use the word lamenting. But I want to highlight them from a biblical perspective, for your empowerment in addressing pain, heartache, emptiness, trauma, neglect and loss in helpful ways.

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My Journey with Tears

Early in my healing and freedom journey, because of my deep battles with obsessiveness, compulsivity, anxiety and bouts of depression–I opened up my heart for greater healing and freedom. I recognized my deep need for love and to experience the love of the Father in a personal way.

I saw that I was carrying brokenness that needed tending to. I was no longer going to run from the emptiness and pain. I was ready to step into this journey.

But I didn’t realize that when I opened my heart up, I became vulnerable to waves of tears that would suddenly hit me. It was like I became an open faucet of tears that would just show up. At first, I thought something was really wrong with me. I mean, I already thought a lot of things were wrong with me, but these tears seemed like a lot.

So I asked someone who was praying with me about this issue. And he said something that was very helpful. He simply told me, “if the tears show up, just let them flow.”

So I did that. At times I would have to excuse myself from a meeting I was in or take a bathroom break, but I gave myself room to let myself do something I didn’t do a lof of–just crying.

I realized that it wasn’t about something being wrong with me. Something good was opening up in front of me, the ability to process through a bunch of emotions that had been built up in my system for years and never had any room to work their way through me. I had suppressed them and put on the good solider outfit, without giving any grace and space for my heart to breathe and work through the pain, emptiness and brokenness of my heart.

From that moment on, I developed a positive and empowered view of tears. I appreciate tears. And by the end of this broadcast, I pray that you will be encouraged to allow healing tears to be a part of your journey.

Tears are a Sacred Language

I want to encourage you to develop a healthy relationship with tears.

What is your relationship with tears? Uncomfortable? Can’t remember when you last cried? Are you afraid of tears? Do you see it as weakness? Do you see people overusing tears, so it turns you off?

Tears are not a weakness but a divine gift for emotional expression, processing and healing. Tears invite us to grieve and grieving is how we heal from our trauma and pain.

Another word we can embrace in effective grieving can involve lamenting. This is a word we do not really use very much today, but it needs to be understood. There can be great power in effective lamenting over the pain you see and experience.

Tears remind us that pain exists within our world. It acknowledges the pain and allows our heart to connect to pain in compassionate ways, whether it’s the pain caused by others, pain from our own decisions or simply the pain as a result of living in a fallen world.

Tears invite us to acknowledge and feel through pain, instead of avoiding pain at all costs.

Tears and God’s Heart for Our Pain

God is the Divine Witness to Our Tears

Psalms 56:8 You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?

God sees our tears, remembers our tears. He keeps a record of our tears. He is not disconnected from our tears and our pain.

Tears are a reminder that God sees the pain. He knows we live in a fallen, sinful world that carries a lot of calamities, trials and suffering. He does not ignore it or pretend it’s not there.

What is God’s role in our pain? It can be so easy for us to get lost in this question. Its normal to go here, but it can get us drowning in a lot of tangents that do not actually help us heal. But I do know that God feels your ache and pain. He sees it and wants to walk with you through it. I know that God is near you when you are broken and crushed.

Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. (ESV)

To be near someone in their pain means you are embracing them. This is a picture of nurture, or presence and of healing help.

Tears are a reminder of the coming day where “God will wipe away every tear from their eyes” Revelation 21:4

This shows us that so much of what we are crying about is a reminder of the falleness we are experiencing in this life. It points us to the day where we will not need to cry. But that revelation is not a license for us to immediately jump to that when someone is in pain – which many Christians do. We need to learn how to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.

Our own journey with tears can help us to be equipped to bring comfort to others.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NKJV) Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Jesus knows what grief is. He is called a Man of Sorrows

Isaiah 53:3 (NKJV) He is despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

The Healing Purpose of Tears

Tears are an Experience of Emotional Release and Cleansing

This is a God-given pathway for us to process the pain and heartache we experience in life.

It actually helps your physiology to let pain work through your somatic faculties. Your physiology actually heals and rejuvenates when tears are expressed.

We have all heard the term “I had a good cry.” Tears helps us work through overwhelming emotions.

Tears are a tool to heal from traumatic experiences.

Tears actually help your body to release the pain of trauma, to help release it out of your body.

When it comes to mental health healing, heart healing and trauma healing, you don’t always see the value of tears at the top of the list.

Tears also activate the nurturing and relaxation of the parasympathetic nervous system

Now remember: tears are a part of the journey, but it is not a destination or a magic switch that makes everything go away, but it can help you in profound ways to relate to your pain in renewed ways.

Tears move us past words into deeper processing.

God designed tears to be an experience that releases emotional pain when words alone simply will not do.

Job 2:11-13 (NKJV) 11 Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, each one came from his own place—Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. For they had made an appointment together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him. 12 And when they raised their eyes from afar, and did not recognize him, they lifted their voices and wept; and each one tore his robe and sprinkled dust on his head toward heaven. 13 So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.

Tears are an Aid in Suffering

They actually help us during times of overwhelm, distress and suffering.

1 Samuel 1:7-8 And as she did so year after year, whenever she went up to the house of the Lord, her rival used to provoke her severely, so that she would weep and would not eat. And Elkanah, her husband, would say to her, ‘”Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?”‘” Her tears were a result of deep sorrow and societal pressure.”

Tears remind us of God’s tender mercies.

When someone is genuinely crying, it’s a vulnerable place. What is needed is mercy.

Mercy: God’s compassion towards us in our suffering, sin, struggle and pain.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (NKJV): Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.

The prophet Jeremiah wrote this during a time of immense national suffering, where Israel was actually warned about what was coming, where God was calling them back to Him. But they did not. Yet even within the painful repercussions, God was merciful, continuing to show HIs faithfulness in working with His people.

Tears can bring about great spiritual and emotional strength.

We see it so much as weakness and something we should run from.

Psalm 84:5-7 As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a spring. The rain covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength. Each one appears before God in Zion.

Baca: a valley in Palestine → means “weeping”

Tears bring out a mixture of emotions.

Anger, sadness, anxiety, etc.

Sometimes, there can be a mixture of sadness and joy when we are relieved with a new breakthrough.

For example, in Ezra, the people were weeping after the rebuilding of the Temple: Ezra 3:12 describes a mixed reaction: “But many of the priests and Levites and heads of fathers’ houses, old men who had seen the first house, wept with a loud voice when they saw the foundation of this house being laid, though many shouted aloud for joy.”

Here, tears were shed out of remembrance and perhaps a sense of the diminished glory compared to the former temple.

Tears can be a signal that emotions have been piling up.

Over the years, people have often come in to see me for help, while in great tears. Often it’s a pile up of emotions that haven’t been processed. Some feel they are having a mental breakdown. Tears are a signal that working through some piled up emotions is long overdue.

Tears are an opportunity for humility.

There is something about tears that reminds us of our humanity, our weakness, our need for God, our need for help, our need for heart healing

Psalms 34:18 (NKJV) The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Tears help us connect to our heart.

Life gets hard and we can get lost in our daily grind, our to do list, and our survival mechanisms . . . sometimes tears can call us back to what is important and get back to our hearts.

There is an OT record of Hezekiah weeping in illness: When the prophet Isaiah told King Hezekiah he would die, 2 Kings 20:3 recounts, “And he turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, saying, ‘Please, O Lord, remember how I have walked before you in faithfulness and with a whole heart, and have done what is good in your sight.’ And Hezekiah wept bitterly.” His tears were a plea for mercy within this word of death that was brought to him. And God extended his life.

The body of Christ is called to weep with those who weep.

Tears are a time for the body of Christ to connect in deeper ways.

Romans 12:15: “Weep with those who weep”

To weep with those who weep, we need to be able to have empathy and compassion.

Tears remind us of our need to grieve.

Jesus Knows Grief

Isaiah 53:3 (NKJV) He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Biblical Examples of Tears and Grieving:

Let’s look at tears, weeping, grieving and lamenting.

Abraham weeps over Sarah’s death: Genesis 23:2 tells us, “And Sarah died in Kirjath-arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham went in to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.”

Hagar weeps in the wilderness: When Hagar and her son Ishmael were cast out, Genesis 21:16 records, “Then she went and sat down opposite him a good way off, about the distance of an arrow shot, for she said, ‘Let me not look on the death of the child.’ And as she sat opposite him, she lifted up her voice and wept.” This illustrates tears of desperation and fear for her child’s life. But God met her and brought comfort to her.

Joseph wept on a number of occasions that were recorded. In one situation, at the sight of his brothers, watch what Joseph does. In Genesis 42:24, when Joseph, unrecognized by his brothers, interacted with them, “He turned away from them and wept.” This was likely a complex mix of emotions – pain over their past betrayal and perhaps a stirring of brotherly love.

Genesis 43:29-30 (NKJV) 29 Then he lifted his eyes and saw his brother Benjamin, his mother’s son, and said, “Is this your younger brother of whom you spoke to me?” And he said, “God be gracious to you, my son.” 30 Now his heart yearned for his brother; so Joseph made haste and sought somewhere to weep.

Before Joseph revealed himself to his brothers: Genesis 45:1-2 (NKJV) 1 Then Joseph could not restrain himself before all those who stood by him, and he cried out, “Make everyone go out from me!” So no one stood with him while Joseph made himself known to his brothers. 2 And he wept aloud, and the Egyptians and the house of Pharaoh heard it.

Genesis 45:14-15 (NKJV) 14 Then he fell on his brother Benjamin’s neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck. 15 Moreover he kissed all his brothers and wept over them, and after that his brothers talked with him.

Job: known as the man who suffered in just about every area of his life. His suffering echoes into the halls of history, especially becuase of the absolute intensity of pain he faced in just about every area of his life. His kids, his possessions, his body all get hit with calamity. His wife even turned on him.

In Job 3, we see the anguish and expression of his pain.
In Job 16:20 it says “My eye pours out tears to God”

In a profound experience of mourning and grief, Job’s friends see him from afar and this is what happens:

Job 2:12-13 12 And when they raised their eyes from afar, and did not recognize him, they lifted their voices and wept; and each one tore his robe and sprinkled dust on his head toward heaven. 13 So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.

King David: an example of emotional expression through pain.

Psalm 6:6: “I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears”
Psalm 42:3: “My tears have been my food day and night”
Psalm 126:5-6: “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy”

David models honest emotional expression alongside faith

When David saw that his city was burned down with fire and the woman and children were taken captive, they wept: 1 Samuel 30:4 Then David and the people who were with him lifted up their voices and wept, until they had no more power to weep.

In Nehemiah, the Israelites weep at the news of their sin: After hearing the Law read and understanding their disobedience, Nehemiah 8:9 says, “For all the people wept as they heard the words of the Law.” This demonstrates tears of remorse.

Jeremiah was known as The Weeping Prophet

Jeremiah 9:1: “Oh that my head were waters, and my eyes a fountain of tears”
Lamentations 3:48-49: “My eyes flow with rivers of tears”

Jesus weeping over Lazarus: John 11:35 is a powerful and concise verse: “Jesus wept.” This shows Jesus’ deep empathy and sorrow at the death of his friend, even though he knew he would raise him from the dead.

Jesus weeping over Jerusalem. Luke 19:41 Now as He drew near, He saw the city and wept over it

Hebrews 5:7 says “who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death”

Jesus at Gethsemane

Matthew 26:37-38: “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death”
When He prayed, his sweat became like great drop of blood that poured from brow

If you’ve been holding back tears, suppressing grief, or rushing through emotional processing, consider this your permission slip to slow down. Your tears aren’t weakness—they’re wisdom. Your grief isn’t self-indulgence—it’s your need to work through pain.

The God who bottles your tears is also the one who promises to be “near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). He’s not waiting for you to get it together before he draws close. He’s present in the mess, the pain, and yes, the tears.

As you consider your own relationship with tears and grieving, remember: healing isn’t about having it all figured out. Sometimes it’s about having the courage to let your heart do what it needs to do, trusting that even in the valley of weeping, springs of renewal can emerge.

The question isn’t whether you’re strong enough to handle your emotions. The question is whether you’ll give yourself permission to work through them.

Empowering You to Live Healed and Free