Overcoming Struggles with AVOIDANCE

We all do it. We put things off, shy away from uncomfortable conversations, or find ourselves saying “I’ll deal with that later.” But for many of us, avoidance has become more than just procrastination—it’s become a prison that keeps us from the freedom and growth God has for us.

If you’ve ever felt trapped by patterns of avoiding difficult emotions, challenging relationships, or uncomfortable situations, you’re not alone. Today, let’s explore what avoidance really is, why we fall into these patterns, and most importantly, how we can step into the courage and strength God offers us.

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Understanding Avoidance: More Than Just Putting Things Off

Avoidance is a coping mechanism where we try to escape from thoughts, feelings, people, or situations that feel distressing, frightening, or anxiety-provoking. While it often starts as a natural response to danger—and can even be helpful in the short term—it becomes problematic when it reinforces our fears and prevents the healing and growth God wants for us.

What avoidance is NOT:

Setting healthy relationship boundaries
Stepping away from truly toxic relationships
Resisting compulsive behaviors in OCD recovery

The Many Faces of Avoidance

Avoidance shows up in our lives in various ways:

Mental Avoidance: Thought suppression, constant distraction, rumination, and overthinking instead of taking action.

Behavioral Avoidance: Simply not doing things—avoiding places, people, or activities that trigger discomfort.

Relational Avoidance: Dodging difficult conversations, avoiding conflict, or withdrawing from social connections. How many relationships could be restored with just one honest, loving conversation?

Emotional Avoidance: Numbing feelings through busyness, entertainment, or refusing to sit with uncomfortable emotions. In church culture, we sometimes spiritualize this with phrases like “just stay busy” or quick positive platitudes that bypass the real work of emotional processing.

Why Do We Avoid?

At its core, avoidance stems from fear—fear of discomfort, fear of loss of control, fear of being unsafe. Many of us weren’t equipped growing up to know how to face our fears and walk through discomfort. We develop a small “window of tolerance” that says, “I can’t handle this.”

But here’s the paradox: while avoidance gives us short-term relief, it creates long-term bondage. What we keep avoiding grows stronger in our minds. Our world begins to shrink. Fear becomes a bully that terrorizes us, and we lose the emotional resilience God wants to build in us.

God’s Heart for Our Fears

Scripture gives us a beautiful theological framework for understanding God’s perspective on our fears and struggles:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

The command of “do not be afraid” does not mean you will never feel fear and anxiety. What its saying is, “Don’t feed your fears.” You may feel fear, but you don’t need to feed it.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” – Psalm 23:4

Notice that David doesn’t say God removes the valley—he says God walks with us through it. The picture isn’t God just taking away all our problems, but God being present with us as we face and overcome what we’re afraid of.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and sound mind.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

When we’re stuck in fear and avoidance, we feel disconnected from power, love, and soundness of mind. But God’s heart is to restore these to us as we learn to walk through our fears rather than around them.

Practical Steps to Freedom

1. Count the Cost What will your life look like if you stay in these avoidance patterns? We often don’t address avoidance until it gets really bad—until we see it’s controlling us and limiting our capacity for growth. Sometimes we need to get honest about what continued avoidance will cost us.

2. Recognize Your Patterns Where do you avoid in life? Document it, journal it, share it with someone you trust. If a loved one tells you they think you’re avoiding something, take that into consideration. They might see what you can’t.

3. Challenge Fear-Based Beliefs Why do you avoid? The answer to that question reveals beliefs formed by fear that keep avoidance in place. It’s time to push back on those fear-based beliefs with God’s truth.

4. Change Your Relationship with Fear We gain strength by going through what we fear, not by avoiding it. Consider making a commitment: when something creates anxiety, move toward it instead of away from it (within reason and wisdom, of course).

5. Practice Gradual Exposure Start small. Build tolerance incrementally. You don’t have to jump off a cliff—take steps. Break through procrastination and allow yourself to experience that what you’re avoiding isn’t as threatening as your mind makes it seem.

6. Welcome the Battle Learn to sit with uncomfortable feelings without immediately escaping. Remember that anxiety is temporary and will naturally decrease. This is where we expand our “window of tolerance.”

7. Stay Connected to God’s Love Develop routines that help recalibrate your stress response—times of stillness, meditation, and soaking in God’s love. But beware of using these as avoidance techniques themselves. Relaxation and spiritual practices should recalibrate you so you can get back out there and face what needs to be faced.

8. Find Your Support System Surround yourself with people who know your battles and will encourage you to take steps forward—people who won’t enable your avoidance patterns but will lovingly challenge you to grow.

9. Become Your Biggest Encourager Practice self-compassion when you get overwhelmed, but also celebrate small victories. See facing your fears as an act of faith and a way of building spiritual and emotional strength.

The Victory That Awaits

Remember: courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s taking action despite fear. Some of your greatest victories will come from walking through the valley of what you’ve been avoiding.

Everything in my own life where there has been great fruit has often come from stepping into something I was afraid of. The training ground of fear and discomfort is where some of your greatest sharpening will come about. What your battlegrounds have sought to bring destruction to your life can actually become places where some of the greatest glory and victories will shine through.

Your greatest victories are found not by avoiding the valley, but by walking through it with the confidence that God is with you every step of the way.

What avoidance pattern in your life is God calling you to face today? Remember, you don’t have to do it alone—He promises to be with you wherever you go.

Empowering You to Live Healed and Free