Confronting Our Fear of Commitment and Making a Decision

Published by Mark DeJesus Fear
Confronting Our Fear of Commitment and Making a Decision

There is a lot of empowerment found in making decisions, committing and taking a step forward into that decision. But many of us find ourselves paralyzed in this area. I want to talk to you about the fear of commitment, what’s behind it and how it prevents you from making a decision and moving forward in life. 

Have you ever found yourself stuck, paralyzed by a decision, unsure whether to move forward, turn back, or stay exactly where you are? Is commitment scary? Do you see yourself fixated on chasing after the decision that will be “just right”? Is it possible that in your desire to make a right decision, you have actually become paralyzed by indecisiveness? Then you may be battling a fear of commitment that is holding you back. 

Our fear of commitment is the core problem we’re going to confront today. This fear keeps us stuck, held back from taking essential steps forward in our lives. We’re going to explore why we fear commitment, how we often mask that fear, and ultimately, how we can overcome it to embrace a life of growing faith and decisive action. Let’s dive in.

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Confronting Our Fear of Commitment: How to Stop Hesitating and Start Moving Forward

Have you ever found yourself frozen by a decision, unable to move forward because you’re waiting for everything to feel “just right”? You’re not alone. Many of us struggle with a hidden barrier that keeps us stuck: the fear of commitment.

The Paralysis of Chronic Hesitation

I remember standing on a high school basketball court, ball in hand, paralyzed by indecision. Should I shoot? Pass? Dribble? My coach’s words echoed in my mind: “He who hesitates is lost.” That moment captured a pattern that would follow me for years—chronic hesitation that prevented me from taking necessary steps forward.

This paralysis shows up everywhere. In relationships, we struggle to move forward or leave toxic situations. In our careers, we second-guess every decision. I’ve seen it in my own life—panicking over gym memberships, cell phone contracts, and apartment leases. The fear of commitment can masquerade as caution, but it’s actually destructive, keeping us trapped and unable to grow.

Why We Really Fear Commitment

Our fear of commitment has layers, like an onion. At the surface, we might lack proper equipping in decision-making. But dig deeper and you’ll find perfectionism—that relentless chase for the “just right” feeling that never quite arrives.

Beneath that lies the fear of making the wrong decision. We catastrophize outcomes, imagining we’ll end up trapped in permanent misery. Christians often add another layer: “What if I miss God’s signal?” We believe perfect decisions will prevent an uncomfortable future.

But here’s the real issue: Fear of commitment isn’t driven by wisdom—it’s driven by fear of failure.

When we follow this fear to its core, we find our deepest wound: the fear of rejection and abandonment. We’re afraid that if we fail, we’ll be alone, dismissed, unloved. This wound carries enormous energy, keeping us frozen in place because we’d rather stay stuck than risk being abandoned.

How We Hide Our Fear

We’re masters at disguising our commitment issues:

Spiritual camouflage is our favorite. We say we’re “being cautious” or “waiting on the Lord” when we’re actually procrastinating out of fear. We misinterpret our anxiety as God telling us no, when it’s often just normal decision-making discomfort.

We also buy into the myth that peace must precede decision. We think we need to feel a certain way before taking action. But the reality? Many of our most important decisions come with anxiety, uncertainty, and doubt.

In trying to avoid being impulsive, we become compulsive—overthinking, over-analyzing, checking and rechecking without ever just deciding and moving forward.

The Freedom to Choose

Here’s something that frustrates many Christians: God actually gives us the ability to choose. We don’t talk enough about the “perfect law of liberty.” You have freedom as a believer to make decisions without waiting for a divine lightning bolt of confirmation.

Jesus demonstrated this clearly. When He called the disciples, He said, “Drop your nets. Follow me.” He wasn’t asking them to spend six months analyzing the decision. He called them to action, and they learned through the journey of following Him.

Peter understood this. When he saw Jesus walking on water, he didn’t stay in the boat analyzing the situation. He stepped out. Yes, he began to sink, but he was the only one who actually walked on water! Meanwhile, everyone else sat safely in the boat, ready to critique.

The Cost of Constant Delay

Every day we delay increases our double-mindedness and instability. Fear grows in avoidance—the monster gets bigger the longer we stare at it, even though it’s mostly smoke and mirrors.

Our confidence lowers. Our faith muscles atrophy. Stagnancy increases. We can end up tolerating situations we should have left long ago, all because we’re waiting for perfect clarity that will never come.

I experienced this firsthand when I struggled for too long before ending my pastorate. I watched other pastoral friends want to make similar decisions but wait endlessly for perfect confirmation. Meanwhile, they stayed in situations that were crushing them.

Learning Through Action

When I finally made that difficult decision to close the church I’d shepherded for six years, I learned something crucial: We don’t learn in the classroom and then apply—we learn in the walking, in the doing.

What I regret isn’t the decisions I made that didn’t turn out perfectly. I regret those prolonged seasons of hesitancy and indecisiveness that led me into deeper despair, where I was spinning, beating myself up, asking God why He wasn’t doing something when I just needed to take another step.

God isn’t asking for perfect faith. He’s asking for faith that grows through practice. And faith only grows when we take steps.

Your Next Step

So where is fear holding you back right now?

I’ve been asking people this question for 20 years: What would you do if fear wasn’t in the equation?

It might not be the biggest, most overwhelming thing. What’s the NEXT thing you need to step into?

For many of you, failure feels like the end. But here’s the truth: you’ll make mistakes, yes. You won’t do everything just right. But you’ll learn through it. And if you make what turns out to be a “wrong” decision, you can make a new decision at that point. Not deciding is what’s really hurting you.

We are not called to have perfect faith, but growing faith. We don’t learn by getting all the confirmations lined up and our feelings just right. We learn by taking a step, continuing to take steps, and learning the whole way.

Face that fear. Make a decision. Take that step. Get out of the boat.

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