How you process your identity will affect what you draw around you, but this cannot be performed. We have to learn in life that we do not get what we want, we get who we are. You do not reproduce who you want, you reproduce who you are. This applies to every sphere of life. Developing your identity is key.
You do not raise children that you want, you will raise children based on who you are. You do not raise a church based on what you want, but on who you are. That is why getting a hold of your identity and flowing out of that is so important. People will receive from the true essence of who we are, not the phony games we play and the fabrications we present. When you are simply yourself, as God says you are, you do not even have to strive or perform. You learn to just be. Remember, you are a human being, not a human doer.
Where in life do you need to step back and just “be,” rather than striving to produce some result?