The lights are on but no one’s home. I am concerned when I look into the eyes of many in this generation. There is this glaze; at time a numbness, showing signs of disconnect from a healthy heart life.
The detached heart is an inability to emotionally connect to God or to others. With a detached heart, we can still go through the motions of working, raising children and going to church. But without that connection from the heart, we will lack depth and transformation.
It all begins with how we deal with hurt and pain, where the enemy trains us in ways that disconnect our heart from feeling anymore. When we block our hearts from being hurt we also block them from experiencing life.
The Shut Down Mechanism
When rejection runs deep within a person, the heart becomes so disconnected over time that a “shut down” mechanism comes into play. We are left with a detached heart that lacks the ability to have true emotional connection. At this point, “going through the motions” is the only option.
This is why, for so many, true expressions of joy are lost. No longer easily “wowed,” we demand higher rushes of entertainment just to escape our deadness for a fleeting moment. When a heart is alive, there is an innocent excitement, keeping our hope centered on a good future ahead.
With a heart that becomes detached, however, there is a deadness; even deep hardness, making the person closed to true change. They become very passive and lethargic to any personal renovations that require heart-connected effort.
Cannot Change without Heart Connection
A detached heart makes inside out transformation nearly impossible. People in this scenario can often be the most difficult to minister to, mainly because they want God to come down and just remove all their junk and make them feel alive again. In addition, no amount of preaching, teaching or exhortation will move them unless their heart gets stirred to action.
God, of course, can work with any situation, but because He is a God of relationship He works in heart exchange. He won’t force your walls of protection down, so it’s important that we position our selves in the best way possible for transformation.
Reviving a Detached Heart
Let me tell you up front that healing is going to take some work. This is not going to be a quick easy fix. Years of patterns have kept you in this place, so it will take some dedicated effort to walk into freedom.
1. Admit you have a detached heart.
Ironically, many people who are detached do not readily see they have issues with heart connection. They think that because they do for others and seem to get by that they are fine.
You are going to have to admit the need for your broken heart to be healed in order for transformation to achieve its greatest work. It is not a sign that you are less of a person. It shows you are willing to authentically address a core issue your heart longs for.
2. Know that God wants to heal your heart.
Letting God heal our broken heart will begin to remove the tentacles of bondage from our lives, so that we can pursue love relationships the way God intended us to. He loves you dearly and His desire is to not only heal your heart but use your heart to touch others. God is our loving Father who wants the hearts of his children restored. Reviving our heart allows us to be made whole and lets the One who loves us pour His goodness deep into our hearts.
3. Take steps to become vulnerable.
One of the greatest habits for a healthy heart is vulnerability. To reconnect your heart, you will have to become more comfortable with feeling. You’ll have to be ok with emotions. It may even need having someone help you through this and coach you along the way. Giving yourself permission to process and feel is one of the greatest relationship tools we can use. It’s how we rejoice in moments of celebration, but also grieve the pain that we carry.
4. Reverse your patterns of “checking out”.
Be purposeful about your down time. Begin to have strategy aimed on engaging those around you and finding ways to “stay in the game” in relationships.
When a detached heart is numbed out, we have created unhealthy relational patterns that need to be renewed. Start to fight through and work on engaging people around you at a deeper level.
You may need to let those around you know that you are working to make changes in this. Let them know that you are working at being more connected in conversation and will express more how you feel about certain things.
It may be helpful to soberly consider how your detached patterns have effected those around you. This includes your spouse and children. It can be a tough process, but it can open a great door of healing for others if you can acknowledge where your heart patterns have genuinely effected them negatively.
There’s no room for condemnation in this, but be available as the Holy Spirit shows you to ask for forgiveness from those who may need. There can be amazing fruit that will blossom from that place of initiation!
5. Give yourself permission to engage a healing process.
It will at times feel really awkward. Changing heart patterns can feel odd at first, but over time, we can become more comfortable with what it means to live with an awakened heart.
Culture today spends so much time avoiding pain and moving to comfort that we don’t give room to process pain. It’s one of the missing ingredients for a whole and healthy heart.
But you can experience change. Often it starts with a firm decision to move into a new process for transformation.
Prayer for a Detached Heart:
Father God, I come to you in Jesus’ name and I thank you that you love me. I ask that you begin to show me where my heart is broken and where I have been detached from my heart. Come with Your Love and heal me in the areas where I do not know Your Love.
Give me courage to face the hurt in my heart and allow you to come in with your mighty love. I want to tear down the walls of my heart, but i need to see where those walls are. Set me free of this bondage in my life.Show me how to love those around me, as I begin to love myself. Renew my heart, awaken my heart with Your love. In Jesus’ name. Amen
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