Are you avoiding the matters of the heart in your life? Are you running from the heart healing that is needed?
Even if you are someone who’s passionate about living spiritually and emotionally healthy from the heart, you probably know people who live their lives avoiding it.
Too many people avoid dealing with the issues of the heart, but there are some reasons this happens.
1. You Don’t Think You Need It
“Don’t give me that psycho babble!”
“Don’t Dr. Phil me!”
You think that healing of the heart is only for “really broken” people; the ones who are so outwardly and obviously broken. Therefore, you sit back and distance yourself from dealing with issues in your life because you’ve been deceived into thinking, “I’m good.”
You walk around saying, “Everything’s great!” But you’re in denial. Your spouse knows you’re avoiding your brokenness. Your coworkers see if. In fact, everyone sees it. But you are still avoiding it.
The problem is your denial is not just affecting you, but those you live with and interact with. When you distance yourself from the healing your heart needs, you close off your ability to hear and see what God is seeking to do in your life.
You become a self-righteous person who is unaware of his or her brokenness.
This is what Jesus faced over and over when teaching and ministering to the religious people of His day. Their pride kept them from realizing
‘Hearing you will hear and shall not understand,
And seeing you will see and not perceive;
For the hearts of this people have grown dull.
Their ears are hard of hearing,
And their eyes they have closed,
Lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears,
Lest they should understand with their hearts and turn,
So that I should heal them.’
Matthew 13:14-15
2. Pride Keeps You From Living More Vulnerable
We love it when we see people live and act vulnerably in a healthy way, right?
Yet at the same time, we hate to do it ourselves. Why? Because we have no idea what will happen if we let our guard down and become vulnerable.
I know I mentioned that this is a pride thing, but I get it. People are not always easy to live vulnerably. I have watched some of the most humble and vulnerable moments get trashed by people who shamed or demeaned someone’s attempt to let their guard down.
Yet that wall in our hearts should not be the final answer. We cannot let pride get the upper hand and prevent you from admitting that you have brokenness in your life that God is still working on.
3. You See Heart Healing as a One-Time Event
It is easy to be deceived that experiencing healing to the heart is a one time event. Maybe its a prayer moment by yourself or an exchange you’ve had with a trusted person. You experience great fruit, but are deceived into thinking you don’t need to deal with anything anymore.
Sometimes in our communication of the Gospel, we share with people that once they get saved, their heart is healed. We subconsciously communicate that healing to the heart is no longer needed.
Because of this, we limit ourselves to the continuing work of God. The depth of God’s love never ends. Just when you discover a depth of His love, there is more to experience.
Our love is so diluted and conditional. Our references have been damaged. At each stage of life, our Father is looking to heal us more in the nurture and power of His love. But we must never distance ourselves from another level of healing that is needed.
I have found that in order for me to go from where I am to where I need to go, heart healing needs to take place. Otherwise, we can end up wandering aimlessly and needlessly. Sometimes humbling the heart and receiving more healing will break forth the growth that is calling out.
4. You are Blind to How Your Brokenness Effects You.
We face so many problems, but often have no idea that our past brokenness is actually following us. Maybe we spend so much time blaming others or we focus so much on wanting circumstances to change, we are unaware of how our personal brokenness is affecting our life.
I find that many believers do not know how to examine their own brokenness without deep guilt, shame and condemnation. They don’t know how to have a sober look at their hearts without doing the blame game or spiraling in discouragement.
But healthy heart healing can be a powerful process. Especially when you understand how much God loves you. Heart healing makes room for His love to take residence.
5. You Were Never Taught
Most people are actually taught to ignore their brokenness and get over it. Yet their unhealed wounds seep out into every day relationships and circumstances.
When experiencing anxiety, did anyone help you broken areas of the heart that can be contributing to it? When leaving a church, did you process healing from it before going into another church? Do you and your family take time to pause and reflect on how your day is going in relation to the life of your heart?
Very few are taught to nurture the life of the heart. Parents, teachers and mentors did not show the value nor teach us how to live healthy from the heart. Even though all of life flows from the heart, teaching is more based on how to improve performance and be successful.
Most of us were just busy just trying to get through the day and get stuff done. Our cultural emphasis is way more on productivity than on living emotionally heart healthy.
For example, try to encourage someone who is overworking that he or she needs to take some time off and you will see the resistance.
6. You Have No Models
It’s hard to do something if you have no models.
Men have the biggest trouble processing emotional pain and allowing themselves to be vulnerable and heal. They’ve not been taught. In most cases, men have been left on their own to “figure it out” and because of it, have no idea where to begin.
But let’s face it. Most of us have no models in our lives that are close to us that show the way to live healthy, whole and free. Hopefully we can turn this around and equip the next generation.
Unfortunately, what society models is the search for success. Hustle and working non-stop in pursuit of a life that screams success is the highest aim. But at what cost?
On top of this, most success pursuits are based on insecurity and unhealthy heart motives. We’re driven in this unending busyness that we cannot stop. If we slow down, we have to face ourselves and what’s going on in our hearts. And for so many, this is too painful.
7. It’s Too Hard
Maybe you sat in an office and tried to work on some issues in your life and it got painful. Maybe you tried to work out your process with someone and it wasn’t helpful.
The biggest thing I hear is, “This is so hard!”
But when we are not taught and modeled the importance of heart health, we often feel like we are running up hills, against the earth’s rotation. You feel all alone. For many, it’s easier to just shove it all down and soldier on.
Until the issues of the heart bleed out.
So and so is having an affair. Everyone is shocked.
Pastor so and so has an alcohol problem. The church is shocked.
A lead elder gets a divorce. Everyone wonders, how could this happen.
You have anxiety and its not stopping.
You can’t stop looking at pornography.
You’re married, but you and your spouse have lost love.
You’re burned out, but you keep going through the motions.
You’re depressed, but you don’t even realize it.
Anger is coming out at really inconvenient times.
So we have to look at all these symptoms and ask, are we a culture that really knows how to deal with our hearts? Are we going to continue to live in denial about the healing that is needed in our hearts? Will we keep pressing this issue down and pretending like we don’t need it, or will we move into a healed life?
Will we be the generation that avoids discomfort? Or will we press into the healing that is needed, even if it is uncomfortable at times?