#139: 4 Ways We Cover Up Our Brokenness

Uncovering Our Dysfunctional Patterns that Keep us From Addressing Broken Areas

Everyone is broken, but most people spend their whole life covering up their brokenness rather than being open to the healing. Many people are simply ignorant to how the brokenness of their heart is affecting their life. Others live in a world of denial, being defensive and even stubborn, keeping people from seeing the vulnerable places of their heart.

We all need healing and continual healing. Yet it can be so easy to fall into a dysfunctional pattern that covers up and keep us from experiencing the transformation we need. The cover ups we will share are easy to jump to. They give us a quick response and momentarily give us a place to hide and ignore what we need to address. Then over time, the brokenness begins to seep through and people wonder why these issues are never dealt with. It’s often because we spent too much time and energy cover up the areas that we actually needed healed.

So today we want to expose 4 big ways we cover up our brokenness.  

Show Sponsor: Audible

Video Broadcast

4 Ways We Cover Up Our Brokenness

Edited Transcript

Mark: I want to say this up front because there’s a key myth when it comes to the subject of healing brokenness, healing of the heart, healing of the past. There is this mentality that at some point in your journey you are fixed and totally healed from everything in your life. I really just want to blast that out because healing of the heart and healing of our brokenness and dealing with vulnerabilities and weakness … It’s a lifelong journey, and these are treasured, precious places that God can walk with you and make your journey a very precious one in your life. We have this myth that you got to get healed up. I work with pastors or church leaders that are walking through areas, and sometimes the people around them are like, “Okay, so go meet with Mark or get meet with someone and get fixed up.”

It’s like, “No.” Number one, it’s not a getting fixed up, it’s heading in a better direction so that you’re more fruitful now and you’re walking in a more healed lifestyle, and two, all those of you that are going “Come on and get fixed up,” you’re the ones that need to be healed in many areas of your life, as well.

I find the way that we define brokenness … Brokenness is any area where God’s nature has not had an impact. Now, if I was to sit you down and say, “Is there an area of your life that God’s nature has not had an impact?” You’d say, “Sure.” You could list off 10, 20, 50, 100 areas.

Melissa: Could we? Could most people? I don’t think most people can even … You and I can-

Mark: You bring up a great point…

Melissa: Because we’re in this and we do this with people every week, but I-

Mark: You bring up a great point.

Melissa: I don’t think people can answer that question. I think it’s a good question to put out there. Can you-

Mark: That’s true.

Melissa: Really, the depths of your heart, say these are the areas that God has not touched yet. I don’t think a lot of people can. I think that that takes time, it takes getting around language to understand what that is.

Mark: That’s true. Safety. Getting around a shame-free environment where you feel free to be able to be weak, vulnerable, and to know “I have broken areas, I’m working through them, I’m growing through them, and I’m in process continually,” and that’s okay because you grow from glory to glory and you’re strengthened. You’re right. Even that basis, right there, of what are the areas that God hasn’t impacted in your life, I think people are very surface-y about it. “Well, I don’t read the bible enough. I don’t pray enough.” It’s like, come on, we got to go deeper than that because that’s all performance-based stuff. Then you get to the deeper levels of “I’m insecure. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of people seeing my flaws. I got anger issues; I get really upset and I get angry and boiled over and I want to lash out. I don’t like myself.”

Mark: Those kind of things that people can really get real about their battle. When you recognize that, you go, “Okay, that’s a broken area,” because God hasn’t … His nature has not impacted that in your life. He’s made it available. The work of Christ is … Everything that we need is available, but we are learning to access it. When I’ve learned that transformation is a journey, I began to lean into the learning and enjoy it rather than “What do I gotta do to get better? What do I gotta do to find my place.” It’s like, relax DeJesus and just let the process do its work in your life.

Melissa: Yeah, and you know, as you’re talking it’s making me think back to 12-some odd years ago. This was before you and I got together. We often joke about those times when I was single and I would sit in my little apartment and I knew in my head that I was a mess in a lot of things. I had bad relationships and I was just so uncomfortable in my own skin, and I knew all these things, I just didn’t know how to put … The word brokenness would have never been part of my language. I didn’t even know the word, I don’t think.

Mark: Me neither. I would equate brokenness with somebody that’s broke, living in the gutter-

Melissa: Or someone that grew up in severe abuse. Brokenness to me was an extreme thing. The big Aha moment for me that … When you and I got together and you started … I think a big part of this topic is understanding what brokenness is and that we have it. We all simply go to the mindset, and I think I had that back then, of if I had two or three Bibles in front of me, at some point God was going to just take the stuff off of me.

I was feverish in I need to just stop feeling like this. I didn’t understand the journey. When I understand the term brokenness, I understood what happens spiritually, and had started to put an understanding to it, there was part of me that began to just really understand, okay this is a journey of me growing and healing in all those things. As you were talking, it was just making me think that I want to encourage people: We’re still on that.

I was sharing you … Before we dig even deeper into this topic today on this area of brokenness, and we think everybody’s arrived … I know I do that to people. I go into situations thinking, “Well, they look like they have it all together.”

Mark: Yeah. They must be more together than I am. They appear that they’ve kind of got it together, and then you dig deeper and you’re either disappointed or you’re like, “Oh, wow, okay. They have the same battles I have.” This was a startling realization for me is, “Wow, no attention is being given to that? You’re not addressing that at all? I’m not saying anything to diminish, shame it, but you’re not dealing with this? This could destroy your marriage. This could implode your business. This will sabotage your future, and you don’t think it’s an important thing to address?” That’s been a interesting thing I’ve experienced over and over again is there being very clear broken areas that manifest but no attention given to it so it inflicts dysfunction in the people around-

Melissa: Destruction.

Mark: Everyone’s afraid to address it. Then you’re like, “What do we do here? What do we do with this?” Then we go into the hiding business. We just go into this hiding game to kind of cover it up because there’s not a very strong value in culture for recognizing heart brokenness and dealing with it. In order for healing to have a greater work, you have to have a heart connection, and when you have a heart connection, you have to delve into pain and relationship struggles and be vulnerable and it’s actually one of the most exciting places to live in. It’s so freeing, it’s less cumbersome, but we avoid it at all costs.

Why We Cover Up Our Brokenness to Begin With

Melissa: Yeah, so why do you think that we cover up our brokenness?

Mark: Well, fear and shame are the biggest motivators. I would say, for me, many times where I’ve avoided dealing with my brokenness it is I don’t want people to see me flawed because if they do, they create judgments and then it changes our relationship, where they’re seeing me differently. There’s the fear of rejection. There’s the fear that comes with shame along with it. It’s two thing: 1) We look at people to look for them for something, and 2) culture doesn’t always have a safe avenue where if somebody shares a vulnerability in a great way, that we’re safe people.

Melissa: Yeah, which speaks to our last week’s episode.

Mark: Yeah. To take it in and allow them to grow. I think it then feeds the cycle of covering up and, I’ll be quite honest, a lot of our coverups actually produce some things that people like. The ways that we … We’ll get into that in just a second. Maybe we can just even jump right in. Some of the areas that you use to mask over your broken areas “work” for you. They might give you income. They might produce results in your life. They might-

Melissa: Get some laughs.

Mark: Get some laughs. Get a great name or a great reputation, and it’s not authentic and there’s major things … This is not to bring an accusation or condemnation into anyone’s life; it’s recognizing we’re all broken. Be more aware of those areas and invite God into them because you will experience some of the greatest encounters and transformative works of God in your life when you position yourself in that way to let God be that for you.

Melissa: Yeah. You know, as you’re talking it’s making me think. I have this picture in my mind. I don’t even know how many people I’ve seen in my lifetime, maybe a handful would be reaching, but we see those people … And I think everyone listening can relate … Somebody will walk into a room or you go into a meeting or you go somewhere and you see this person that is just chill. They’re just like, “Whatever. This is me.” They seem like they’re just so at ease with themselves and then maybe you’ll find they came from a good family background and they have, not a blessed life, but, yeah, a blessed life, and you look at that and you’re like … For me, anyway … Oh my gosh, I want to feel like that. I want to go in a room and not feel like I have to be funny, not feel like I have to have the right prayers, not be obsessing in my mind that I have to have the right answer for this person. I want to just look that at ease and comfortable with myself, but it doesn’t happen overnight.

Mark: Right.

Melissa: It takes time to get there.

Mark: I kind of counter that, and I have to be careful not to be cynical, but oftentimes the guy sitting there like he’s totally chill-

Melissa: Right, well we-

Mark: It’s a game. Deep down inside he’s got a lot of stuff going on.

Melissa: Well, we’ll let you all in on a little secret. By the very nature of what Mark and I do, we draw people’s junk out.

Mark: Sure.

Melissa: We don’t ever … Those of you around us know, we are not those kind of intentional people … If you’ve hung out with us … To dig deep and get in there, but by the very nature of what we do, people, I think, feel safe with us and so they let it out. We, a lot of the times, have … I don’t want to use the word awkward, but we have these moments with people where … They’re the kind of people that you would think they have it all together. They’re perfectly dressed, have the perfect thing to say, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, and they get us alone or they get a moment with us and they will just vomit on us everything going wrong in their life and everything they hate. All these things. There’s these myths that we’d like to dispel about that those who look the most put together, usually are not, and I think most of you can understand that and agree with that statement.

Mark: Right.

Melissa: But you wouldn’t really know … I wish I could help you understand how true that actually is. Right?

Mark: Yeah.

Melissa: We can jump off of that point, is that people that … One of the masks I think that we … I think a lot of people use, is that they have it together.

Mark: Right.

Melissa: They have it all together.

1. We Fabricate a Mask

Mark: That leads us into the things that we use to cover up and one of them is a fabricated personality. It is an a way that we cover up with a persona. John Eldredge would call it The Poser. Sometimes we call it the mask. You fabricate something that you feel is presentable and that people will like. It’s not like a role that you … There’s times where you’re working in an office and there’s a way that you act appropriately in an office. I’m not talking about a role that you fulfill. I’m talking about where there’s this thing that you put on and it’s protective and it doesn’t allow you to deal with your brokenness.

What are some common ones? I would say definitely the super-spiritual person. The super-spiritual person always, always has something deep and spiritual that they’re on to and they’re always communicating that. They have a hard time just talking about everyday things or just being able to be real. Everything is, “God showed me this and He taught me this-”

Melissa: I have a very hard time with that.

Mark:  Oh, sure. I do, too.

Melissa: I know there’s some people that get around it and love it and feed off of it. I have a really hard time with that. I like people … Let’s just talk about normal stuff.

Mark: This might offend some people, but when you have a conversation with somebody and they’re like, “God bless, God bless, the Lord Jesus Christ, yes, good to see you, good to see you, praise God, praise God, thank you so much, God’s been so good,” it’s like I’m a Christian, I’m sold out to Jesus-

Melissa: Yeah, we know He’s good.

Mark: No, no. That makes me uncomfortable.

Melissa:  Right.

Mark: I don’t, whenever I’m relating to you, “Hey, Melissa, honey, honey, honey, Melissa, Missy, Missy.” That’s not how we talk. It’s not. If I’m so in this super-spiritual, amazing world … If that’s true, then how I dialog with you should be that much more powerful, but it becomes a front. I hate to say it, but it becomes a front where it’s like I always got a verse or this, or this God’s showing me and I got a word, and these things going on-

Melissa: It doesn’t draw me into people. It does not draw me in to want to hang out with you when you are, every five seconds, about what God showed you. It doesn’t.

Mark: Right, right, and it becomes a thing that makes people get a perception of us. “Wow, they’re super deep.” Trust me, I love going deep. I live in the deep end.

Melissa: Right.

Mark: Sometimes my favorite thing is just sitting there by a lake and just staring off and letting God speak to me. Trust me, I love it, but I have to do life and I have to be able to be accessible. Oftentimes that’s a block. Another one is being a funny person.

Melissa: I do that.

Mark:  Do you really think that you do?

Melissa: I think I honestly do. See, here’s the thing-

Mark: I think you’re being too hard on yourself.

Melissa: I think that there are situations when you’re not around me, maybe I’m by myself … Because there is something that when you’re with me, that you bring a safety to me. Can I love on you right now?

Mark: Oh, that’s nice.

Melissa: You bring a safety-

Mark: Well you do the same for me.

Melissa: Thank you. When we’re in situations and you’re there, I actually feel more myself. I feel like just by the very presence of who you are as a watch and a guard for me, and it helps me to just relax. When I am in other situations where maybe I don’t feel as safe or secure or … Maybe at a school, or something where you’re not there … I do feel this thing inside of me … I’m admitting this so that you can all hear this and understand my journey, where I am working on being settled in who I am in other atmospheres without you or outside of who we are.

Mark: Sure.

Melissa: That’s a process that I admittingly am still in. A very safe thing for me is joking. Now, I get laughs. I love to be sarcastic. That is very part of my personality that I think God created in me.

Mark: You are pretty funny.

Melissa: But, I will use it to keep a, kind of like “Yeah,” distance from people. Sometimes that can be good because it can kind of keep some “craziness” away from me, maybe, and I can joke and maneuver out of a situation easily, but that is something that is part of my journey is being really … Because I will leave a situation and obsess about it. Get home with you, or I’ll be with you and we’ll be somewhere, and I feel like, “My gosh, I’m so much myself when I’m with you and we do these things,” but I haven’t quite nailed it when I’m in these other situations and I feel like that’s one thing for me that can be a fabrication.

Mark: You and I-

Melissa: Does that make sense?

Mark: Yes, totally. It leads me to-

Melissa: That’s my transparency today, everybody.

Mark: Well, it’s great. I think that what you said led me into a thought of I think as we work on really being vulnerable and honest with each other, all the time, we are able to identify when we are being true to ourselves.

Melissa: Right.

Mark: When we’re out with somebody, or we’re out somewhere, we can affirm, “Hey, you are yourself,” or “Hey, did you feel like you were yourself today? You seemed off.”

Melissa: Did you feel uncomfortable in that? Right.

Mark: We can go, “Yeah, I was off. I didn’t feel like I knew what to say. They talked too much and I had to turn my wrap-it-up skills on and … They’re weren’t hearing a word I was saying so I wanted to put eyeballs on my eyelids and just fall asleep.” I used to beat myself up about it, but now I’m more like, “Eh, it just is what it is and it’s okay.” Then we affirm that with each other.

Melissa: Yeah.

Mark: You like my wrap-it-up skills?

Melissa: It’s so funny. We actually have codes. Yeah.

Mark: Well, some people don’t have self-awareness and they don’t know how to wrap it up. I’ve been there, too, in my preaching and teaching.

Anyways, you could … I think that one of the fabrications that is a big one is the I have it all together, I’m successful. America loves success. We don’t want to hear about things going wrong; we want to just hear the success. We want to hear the great things that are happening: You’re producing results, you got money going on, and stuff like that. Your family’s great. It’s like, “Baloney! You got problems and you’ve got struggles.”

I think that a lot of times families go through stuff. Marriages go through stuff. Some of you watching this, your marriage has gone through stuff, right? Maybe you make it through or you work through it and then no one ever knows about it. You don’t get to share the wealth of what you went through because … Your battles when you’re heading to victorious places and you get some victory … Man, the testimony of what God has done is incredibly powerful.

Melissa: We know many people that … I could name 10 off the top of my head right now … We know their powerful stories of restoration and healing and nothing is being done with it. They’re not using it. They could actually have an amazing platform about these redemptive stories and use it as a powerful testimony and they don’t. They don’t want anyone to know about it.

Mark: Everything from addictions, everything from mental illness struggles or broken issues in your marriage.

Melissa: Adultery.

Mark: I’m not saying that you have to broadcast it to the world. What I’m saying is that I feel that it’s detrimental to present this thing that, like, our family has it all together. We strive for that. Instagram really helps us take even our pictures and make them look better than how we even took them.

Melissa: Yeah.

Mark: It’s creating this presentation of everything just nicely put together, and it’s just not. I think it defeats … I think moms, every day, go into beating themselves up because they look and think another mom is like super-mom when she’s not. She’s got her own battles and struggles, but it appears she doesn’t. Guys feel like they’re not measuring up in what they’re doing or what they’re going after because of the way somebody presents themselves, and it’s just not. Life is hard. Life is incredibly challenging and the more we can get real about it, the more we can actually help each other…

How to Become Transparent

Melissa: I have a big question then. It goes back to what you were saying in that people are going through things and we don’t either A) hear about it until after, or we never hear about it. What would it look like to you to process it out or even be transparent, while you’re going through it, with people in a safe way. What does that … I think it sounds great to say that, in theory, but we even know that at the end of the day, people are not safe.

Mark: Correct.

Melissa: We don’t have a lot of safe people and you have to … There’s a balance because you have to have a guard up. Not everybody is allowed to see in the intimate parts of our life because I don’t trust you. There are people that may think they’re even close to me, and you’re not because I don’t trust you in those ways to be able to handle maybe things that we have been through or have gone through. What does that look like for you?

Mark: Well, it goes back to safe relationships. You need to have people in your life that you can be real with, that are praying for you, that you can share, “Here’s what I’m going through,” and they’re not necessarily trying to give you advice; they’re just there with you or they can speak into areas where you’re getting … I recommend that everybody should be doing a couple things: 1) Everybody should be having some kind of mentor or coach in their life. If you don’t have any, go pay for one. Go pay for going to a counselor, therapist, or ministry session person. I don’t care what kind of pathway you’re using, that you use something. I think every marriage should have marriage therapy, counseling that they’re going to. We’ve created this thing, “Oh, you’ve got problems.” I remember when me and you went to a marriage retreat and a friend of mine was texting me and he was like, “Where you at?” I’m like, “I’m at this thing.” His response was, “Everything okay?” Everything’s fine! We’re just growing as a couple. What are you doing?

Melissa: Then there was, I think … Forgive me if I’m wrong, but there was a text that came after like, “Are you fixed now?” It was very kind of sarcastic dig towards … People say the dumbest things. Especially in text. We need to do a whole episode on that because people don’t know how to text.

Mark: Sure.

Melissa: I think that that’s where it’s very hard.

Mark: Yeah, so I think it goes back to having some people that are having input into your life and then some safe people that you’re around. I don’t think you need to broadcast your problems to people. That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is if you have nothing to hide, that there’s power in that wherever you go.

I can tell the people that are living authentically. You can just tell. They’re not fabricated, they don’t have this thing they put on. There’s realness. It doesn’t mean they’re telling me their problems; it means they’re just living true to themselves. I want to get to some of the other ones.

Melissa: Please, go for it.

2. Being Highly Intellectual Rather than Heart Connected

Mark: One of them that I see very commonly is being very highly intellectual. Very heady, very smart, very like “I know a lot of information. I know a lot of theology.” They have a lot of struggle in connecting to heart things. They have a hard time connecting to brokenness, weakness. They get very uncomfortable. Guys can fall into this a lot. When it comes into the kingdom and serving God, we will study up on it and get our theology together and we can make great statements, but we don’t know how to sit and talk about weakness, brokenness, pain, vulnerability, and those kind of things. I think that’s a major, major problem that we need to get past.

Melissa: Yeah. Mark and I have been to pastor’s gatherings and things like that over the years. I think that one, for me, I will say, in my security of who I am, that one will trip me up. When I go into a room and there’s all these pastors and they’re dressed nice and they look like they pay their taxes properly … You know what I mean? Perfectly put together … And when they pray … This one always trips me up … When they pray, it’s like the most perfect prayer that’s so articulate. For some reason, I have to battle that insecurity, like they … Whoa, that prayer was so … They are on point. They have the perfect prayer, they have the perfect presentation, they have the whole thing. Like I shared earlier, you learn after the fact that it ain’t all usually perfect, but that’s when I have to battle when I’m interacting with those people in those arenas, like “Oh my gosh, they are so perfect. They know God so perfectly because they have the perfect prayer.”

Mark: Right.

Melissa: I know a lot of people feel like that.

Mark: Then I’m sitting there going, “Just be yourself.” Just be yourself. That’s the most anointed you could be. Just be yourself and just talk and share-

Melissa: Right, because really the most powerful prayers for me come from people who are just like, “God, we need you.” It’s just simple prayer. That intellectual thing, I will say, it trips me up when I’m interacting with somebody like that.

Mark: Because God works through your heart. He works through that vulnerable place. The inner seat of who you are. That treasure. Those vulnerable places. Somebody can strike you at your mind or maybe win an argument, but it doesn’t change the heart. It doesn’t impact the heart. It takes time to get somebody to access their heart and get out of their mind, of being so heady, so to speak.

3. Throwing Ourselves into Performance & Achievement

Another one I want to address, a third one, is the whole performance and achievement. This is a classic one that people jump into where they instead of dealing with broken areas … Areas they need to grieve, areas that need to be healed, broken belief systems, thought patterns that are unhealthy, habits that are not moving them towards hope … Instead of dealing with that, we just move into our doing, our perfectionism, our achievement.

This is why guys throw themselves into work when things … The one thing that’s a temptation for guys when they’re going through a hard time is ramp up work. Increase the RPMs at work at maximum potential so that you don’t have to deal and face with things. Just staying in this continual “I got this project or this thing,” and just pack it in and add another job. Whatever it is, perform, perform, perform, do, do, do, and it doesn’t heal the broken areas but it gives an instant gratification of I’m distracted for a time. I have something that I’m focusing on.

Modern culture is notorious for this. It’s how we solve everything. More productivity, more programs, more results, more achievement, and it’s making us very “productive” but very unhealthy and no depth.

Melissa: Yeah, and I think it goes back to when you were speaking about moms. That’s something that I know, for me, it’s something I have to be very aware of. I think for me, too, I’ve been using … You are my accountability, you’re my guard, you’re my husband and … For me, I think more so I’ve been alert to that lately as the kids are getting older and you want them involved in things and busyness of life and on our schedule to say to you, “Okay.” We check in with each other.

Mark: That’s right.

Melissa: What has today been like for you? What do we need to do later? Whether we’re just sitting together … Whatever that looks like … So we can bring it down. Settle down and just connect. Even teaching our children that. I think so many families it’s go, go, go, go, go. You get home … For the average family who works 9 to 5 … Get home … I commend all the moms that do this, that are working full time, come home, making dinner, getting the kids ready for bed. You have a minimal amount of time so you’re cramming everything in there. Home work, da, da, and then boom, you’re in bed. Are you taking the time as a family to unwind, to sit, to talk, to heart connect? These are the crucial times-

Mark: Right.

Melissa: Where you’re teaching them-

Mark: Very true.

Melissa: To be able to do that because they’re going to carry … It’s all these subtle things that go on that then when you’re older you’re like, “Why do I feel like an addict? Why do I feel crazy? Why can’t I settle? Why is my mind racing? Why can I not get with God? Why am I not hearing from God?” We need to rewind and go back to do you know just how to settle.

Mark: That’s right.

Melissa: What is your state like? You talk about this a lot when you’re working one-on-one with people and helping people. What is your state like? I think I’ve been more so aware now that I’m getting older, what is going on in me.

Mark: That’s right.

Melissa: Why am I not being able to settle down? Okay, I did not have fruitful time with God today. I feel like I’m all over the place. I’m going, going, going, going, going, and I’m crashing into bed. No.

Mark: Yeah, and a performance … Of all these, performance is the one that wants to knock on my door because I’ve always grown up being in settings where there are avenues I can achieve. I can put together great things or teach or present things, or whether it was years ago when I was singing or I was doing acting and stuff like that. The performance bug hit me really strong and I wasn’t able to … Then when I was able to deal with my brokenness later on, it wants to come back around whenever times get tough. It hits men … It certainly hits women, too, but just coming from a man’s standpoint, that’s the one that I have to continually renounce and keep at bay, is that, no, I don’t have to serve that. I don’t have to serve that anymore. That’s not how I’m going to deal with this hard season in my life. I’m not going to do it by ramping up because what happens with men …

Guys, I’m going to explain something really quick and easy for you, is that your brokenness creates an anger inside, and the anger either lashes out at people or it creates this burning, revved up RPM that you get hyper-productive at work. When I’m in that … I can tell when I’m in it or I’m falling into it when I come home and I’m with the family and I’m not landing really well with the kids. I’m kind of annoyed. I’m kind of like, “I’ve had a lot to do today.” I get kind of in that framework. It shows I’ve gotten in that lane that’s not who I am and I need to land back into relationship. I don’t need to do this. If I’ve got problems, let me get before God, let me get before people that love me and interact and stay healthy. It grounds me, but I have to mindful of it, which leads me to the last one.

4. Chronic Busyness

I want to share this one … And then we’ll close … That we fall into is chronic busyness. This pretty much sums up all of it is, just stay busy. Many people will even come to me and say, “Mark, I know you’re really busy,” and I cringe inside because it’s like, yes, my life is very full. It’s very full. I have a lot of things that are going on in my life, but I don’t want to live the busy life. The busy life is just things are crammed in, crammed in, crammed in, and you just crash land every day.

Any day I have that … I had one this week … It is what it is, but at the end of the day I was like, “No, that’s not how I want every day to be.” No, I don’t want that. I don’t want that to be my mode of operation. You can have a full day and a full schedule, but this busy, go, go, go, just move to the next thing, the next thing … It’s a mentality.

Melissa:  Yeah.

Mark: Moms … I know you can talk about that.

Melissa: Yeah, I mean I feel like what I was saying even in the performance arena with moms. I think they go hand-in-hand, this busyness, performance.

Mark: Right.

Melissa: I really feel like it does go hand-in-hand. We all do it.

Mark: Let us know which ones really hit home for you. The action step to really take is begin breaking agreement with it. Break agreement with those areas. We have lots of great materials from our Exposing The Rejection Mindset book, which goes into a lot of this, and other trainings that we have that can be a real help and benefit to your life. Really breaking agreement, with going, “Okay, I’m fabricated, or I’m performance driven, or whatever it is. I’m just too busy.” Just starting to break agreement and make that no longer a part of your value system. You’ll have to resist, and you’ll have to continually resist, because it’ll want to keep coming up, but it’s worth it because what’s on the other side is just a greater access to healthier living and more freedom in your life.

Melissa: Yeah, and I think the end question, which is the question we started out with, is: What are the areas that God has not had access to in your life?

Mark: That’s right.

Melissa: Begin to maybe even sit before Him. God, what are the areas that I need to give to you, that you have not had access to maybe since I was a child or a teenager, or areas and seasons and times during my journey that I need you to come in and touch and heal and illuminate those to me. Trust me, He’ll show you. He’ll show you even if it’s something between your husband or your kids or just even in yourself, He will meet you in it.

Mark: That’s good.

Melissa: Let the journey take its course.

Mark: Very good.

Get Two Free Chapters!


Join our mailing list and get a free download of the Introduction and Chapter 1 of God Loves Me and I Love Myself!

Powered by ConvertKit

Mark DeJesus has been equipping people in a full time capacity since 1995, serving in various roles, including, teaching people of all ages, communicating through music, authoring books, leading and mentoring. Mark's deepest love is his family; his wife Melissa, son Maximus and daughter Abigail. Mark is a teacher, author and mentor who uses many communication mediums, including the written word, a weekly radio podcast show and videos. His deepest call involves equipping people to live as overcomers. Through understanding inside out transformation, Mark's message involves getting to the root of issues that contribute to the breakdown of our relationships, our health and our day to day peace. He is passionately reaching his world with a transforming message of love, healing and freedom. Out of their own personal renewal, Mark and Melissa founded Turning Hearts Ministries, a ministry dedicated to inside out transformation. Mark also founded Transformed You, a communication platform for Mark’s teachings, writing and broadcasts that are designed to encourage people in their journey of transformation. Mark and Melissa currently live in Connecticut.

Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”